Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Life gave me lemons, but I'm not in the mood for lemonade

I've been putting off making this post for a while.  I've just been through one of the roughest fortnights of my life, I think.  There's a good chance I've made it to the other side now -- hopefully I'm not jinxing myself by saying that!

Normally I'm a pretty cheerful chickie.  I understand Life has its ups and downs and that some days you are the bird and some days you are the statue.  I get all that and I generally embrace it because I know the bad days will give way to happier times in the future.  It's a cycle, the Circle of Life and ... well... blah blah blah.

However...  Two weeks ago, on September 22 the world screeched to a halt when it lost a very special man.  Even though it's been two weeks, I still can't believe he's gone.  My friend, Deputy Bill Myers from the Okaloosa Sheriff's Department in Florida was shot in the back and in the head multiple times by a despicable waste-of-space scumbag wife-beating coward.  After he was shot, Bill fought for his life for 6 hours, but he didn't make it.  I knew Bill very well.  He was a 20 year veteran of the USAF, who then went on to a second career in law enforcement.  He had decades of experience under his belt and he knew that every day he put on his uniform, he was prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice to keep somebody else safe.  He was kind; he was funny; he was gifted in many ways; he saved countless lives in daring rescues and with advice that altered the path other people took in their lives; he was tough when he had to be. He was a damn good man and I feel proud to have been able to call him my best friend.  As I watched his memorial service on YouTube, I was taken aback by how many peoples' lives he had touched; it seems everybody had a Bill story.  So now, the past 2 weeks have been filled with disbelief, mourning and memories of Bill.

Now, you'd think that'd be enough, but no...  Remember Eunice, AKA Whatever-Is-Wrong-With-Me?  On September 23 I had an appointment with a specialist to see if we could find out what Eunice's real name is.  Less than 24 hours after my very good friend was murdered, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  Now, don't get me wrong -- I'm grateful to have the diagnosis.  Knowledge is power, yada yada yada.  But sheesh.  Timing is everything, y'know?  Although it's better than some of the things I was imagining Eunice could be, and it's not fatal, it's still a kick in the teeth.  Fibro is cruel.  It's completely unpredictable.  And I ended up in a monstrous Fibro Flare as a result of all the stress of the past 24 hours.

That was a tough time, let me tell you.  I know all the cliche's and uplifting things people say during times like this:  "God doesn't give you anything more than you can handle", "When God closes a door, He opens a window", "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on tight", "When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade".  Well, I'm not in the mood for lemonade or holding on to ropes.  What I want to do is channel my inner two-year-old and throw a first class temper tantrum at how unfair Life has been.  Instead, I remember something I heard Bill say probably 500 times to me, "Everything happens for a reason".  I don't know why he was murdered and I don't know the purpose for developing Fibromyalgia, but I have to trust that it's all part of a bigger plan and it's not my job to understand, it's just my job to go along with it.

I decided that I needed to leave the sadness behind.  I kept hearing Bill's voice telling me over and over that he didn't want me to be sad.  Well, he actually said it a bit differently, but it's not really appropriate language to use in a blog.  ;)  Hey, I said he was a good man, I didn't say he was perfect.  I know that as hard as it is to see the future when you are so busy remembering the past, you have to look forward.  There's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror in your car.  It's ok to take the occasional glimpse backwards, but you have to direct your main focus ahead of you.  And that's why I thought that the time was finally right to take a leap.

I decided to do something I've been putting off for years.  I'm going to leave you with a bit of a cliff-hanger, because I'm not quite ready to make the announcement yet, but it's been a dream of mine since before I started designing digital scrapbooking supplies.  I just never was motivated enough or brave enough to go for it.  But now, with a new guardian angel watching over me, I think I'm ready to give it a shot.  I hope to be able to have a good news post within a couple of weeks!  (Depends on Eunice though)  I am currently making my goals, planning how to achieve those goals and getting down to the business of realizing them.  I've run into a bit of a glitch but I'm hoping that tonight I found a work-around to overcome that.

In the meantime, do me a favour, wouldja?  If you are tired of all the violence and horrific news, show support for the people who work hard and are willing to sacrifice absolutely everything to keep you and I safe.  Lights on for Deputy Bill Myers  Blue Lives Matter.  RIP William J Myers, EOW Sept 22, 2015.

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